For some people, choosing a maid of honor is a clear cut choice. For others, it can be a bit more heart wrenching. Take this email from Sara, a bride-to-be who is struggling between asking her sister or her childhood best friend to be her maid of honor:
Dear Divas,
There is a big age gap between me and my sister, and when we were younger we didn’t have a very close relationship. My best friend does not have any sisters so we’ve always said we would be each other’s maid of honor. Now that my sister and I are older, we’ve grown closer and I’m afraid that if I don’t pick her she’ll be offended; but I’m also afraid of offending my best friend, especially since I’m still the most likely candidate to be her maid of honor. I’m also worried that since my sister is still in college she will not be able to handle the typical responsibilities of a MOH. How do I pick without offending someone, while still getting a reliable maid of honor?
Sincerely,
Sara
Thank you so much for submitting your question, Sara. We know a lot of brides struggle with similar scenarios, so we’re glad you’ve brought it up. Many of us give away our MOH spot before we are even old enough to consider marriage, which can lead to a touchy situation once we’re all grown up. But in all honesty, you shouldn’t feel restrained by tradition here—many brides select two maids of honor (especially in a scenario like yours, where one is busy with work or school).
You can make this entire process easier for everyone and avoid hurt feelings or stepped on toes by asking them both to play the part, and then delegating different tasks to each of them. Is your sister an excellent public speaker? Does your best friend have a flair for crafts and favors? Play into their strengths. Let one plan the bridal shower, and the other plan the bachelorette party—you get the picture.
Just make sure you clearly delegate who is responsible for what, and everything should work out. After all, it’s your wedding and you deserve to have both of your best girlfriends by your side!
Do you have a question for the divas? Send your wedding etiquette questions to blog@weddingpaperdivas.com and our team of wedding experts will post an answer for you!
