Dear Divas,

A friend of mine from college recently got engaged.  I was invited to her wedding, but because I live out of state, I’m unable to attend.  I still want to send her a gift, however, we haven’t been close for a while.  What is the appropriate amount to spend if I’m not attending the wedding and haven’t maintained a close relationships with this girl?  On the same note, what is the appropriate amount to spend if I AM attending a wedding (with a date) of a close friend?  Help!

Gift Gal

Dear Gift Gal,

What a great question!  I think this is something that almost every person has to deal with at one time or another.  Especially in these tough times, digging deep in the pockets for a wedding gift can be rough.  Therefore, it helps to know what proper etiquette states is the correct amount to spend.

Happily, the truth is that you should spend what you can afford.  There is no sense in breaking the bank if you truly can’t afford it . A gift is just that–a gift–and the bride and groom will appreciate anything you can afford to give them.  If you do want some sort of gauge, though, the rule of thumb is to try to spend as much as you think your meal would cost.  If it’s a buffet, a safe guess is around $40-$50 a person.  If it’s a served meal, I’d guess closer to $75-$100 a person.  Again, it’s okay to adjust these numbers to fit YOUR budget!

If you’re not attending the wedding but want to send a gift anyway, any amount really works.  A small token of your congratulations is welcome at any amount.  I tend to spend around $50, however, if they’re close friends I’ll spend more, if they’re more distant, I might even spend less.  You’ll be appreciated for being a thoughtful person in spite of your inability to attend the wedding.

Happy gifting!

Hosting the wedding of your dreams often requires either a big budget or a wealth of creativity. Add the hassle and expensive of moving, furnishing a new home and decorating, and new couples often face a bit of a cash crisis.

One of the easiest ways to alleviate this type of dilemma is to make use of consignment shops in your area. Buffalo Exchange has locations all over the U.S., or you can find plenty of cute little consignment shops right in your neighborhood with a quick online search. You can consign all of the clothes, furniture and home goods you find when you clean out your closets during the move, and you can also shop for new housewares while you are at it. Many shops give more store credit than cash for consigned items, so choose a store that you want to shop at.

If you have designer goods to consign, or if you are interested in selling your wedding dress, seek out specialty shops. Many stores exclusively sell consigned designer clothing, and thus offer much higher returns.

For more information, or to find shops in your area, check out HowToConsign.com.

Dear Divas,

My fiance and I have been together for 5 years.  About 2 years in to our relationship, we moved in together.  Since then, we’ve invested in a lot of personal items together, from furniture to kitchen tools, dishes to bedding.  Our wedding is coming up and it’s getting close to the time when we would normally register.  Because we’ve already been living together for so long, there is very little that we need for our home.  We believe in having nice things so we’ve already bought the best knives, dishes, bedding, etc.  What we really need is cash, as we are saving for a new house and for our honeymoon.  Is it ok to list cash gifts on a shower invitation or wedding website?  Is there any way for us to ask for cash without sounding crass?

Show Me the Money

Dear Show Me the Money,

Your desire to receive cash as a wedding gift as opposed to anything physical is completely understandable.  Most newlyweds not only need “stuff” to start their new life together, but they also need a place to live and funds to travel!  While it is definitely inappropriate to list “Cash gifts” on any sort of invitation or website, there are ways that you can get the word out that you’d prefer cash gifts.

Most etiquette experts consider it tasteless to flat-out ask for cash.  Instead, they suggest getting the word out to the people closest to you (like your parents, in-laws, bridesmaids and aunts, uncles and grandparents) whom guests are likely to ask for gift recommendations from.  These people can subtly spread the word about your wish for cash.

Another option is to look in to a variety of online gift registries.  There are an abundance of different wedding registries, from mortgage registries to cash registries.  Check out GoGift for an easy-to-use cash registry, Feather Our Nest for a Mortgage registry,  and a variety of different honeymoon registries, most of which will mail you a check at the close of your registry to use as you please.  The Ultimate Gift Registry is a great all-in-one registry that allows you to register for anything from honeymoons to home goods.  They also have a soon-to-be-added cash registry option.

Remember, even if you register at a store, you can often return items for cash–Bed, Bath and Beyond and Crate & Barrel are just a few that do this.  Check each store’s return policy before you register.  Who knows, you might discover there are still some items you’d like for your home.  Good luck!