We’ve heard stories about close friends declining invitations with little to no excuse, leaving the engaged couple confused to say the least. This type of scenario has us wondering—if a declined invitation hurts your feelings or leaves you baffled, is it appropriate to speak up? Can you ask why a guest isn’t attending your celebration?

What’s the best way to handle such a tricky situation? Have you ever declined a wedding invitation from a close friend? Do confrontations over declined invitations make you want to rant or rave?

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The real kicker is, she wasn’t in the bridal party. She was the only non-bridal party guest who was expected to be at every event because she’s know the bride since they were kids.

What wedding events should be mandatory for non-bridal party members? Who should be expected to pay for extra events? What’s the proper protocol for close friends who aren’t bridesmaids or groomsmen? Rant or rave about it!

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You invite a friend to your wedding. You’ve perfectly budgeted, so when he asks if he can bring his girlfriend, you give him your regrets and let him know that you simply can’t accommodate another guest. He knows at least a dozen other people at the wedding, so you assure him it will be fun without his girlfriend by his side.

Your big day arrives, and lo and behold you see your friend saunter up with his girlfriend. Iin front of all of your guests while you are standing there in your wedding attire with your new spouse, he asks, “It’s okay if Jenny stays for the reception, right?”

This is a classic wedding crasher sabotage move. Bringing a guest who is not invited is a faux pas all on its own, but asking your permission on the day of your wedding is downright rude.

What would you do? Smile and say, “Of course,” or toss him and his girlfriend out to make more room for your more polite friends?

What’s the proper way to handle a wedding crasher? Is it the more the merrier? Rant or rave about it!

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I am going to a beach wedding this summer and I’ve been searching for a light, airy dress to wear for weeks.  Since white is very in style right now, I see it everywhere–and I love it.  I can’t seem to find a dress I like that ISN’T white.  So, my question is:  Is it OK if I wear white to the wedding?  What if it’s a sun dress style–not remotely bridal? What about primarily white with accent colors? Help!

Wondering About White

Dear Wondering About White:

Ahhh, the age-old question:  Can you wear white to a wedding?  My first instinct is to say no.  The bride has spent months planning her wedding, choosing a dress, and ensuring that she will sparkle and shine on her wedding day.  To detract any attention from her seems mildly disrespectful, both to her feelings and the time she spent planning the wedding.  Particularly in the case of a beach wedding, many dresses tend to be more casual, so a sundress may not look that drastically different from the wedding dress.  However, I do feel there are exceptions to this rule.  A dress that is white with accent colors most likely will not resemble a wedding gown, and therefore is ok to wear.  Use your best judgement and take the person getting married, the style of wedding and your personal style in to account–is the bride the type that wants all eyes on her?  Could the dress you’re considering double for a wedding gown?  Do you have other options available to you that would still fit your style?  If  you answered yes to any of these questions, chances are good you should not be wearing white.

In general I would err on the side of caution–this is someone you care about getting married–although white might be in style, you don’t want to wear it and risk the feelings of a friend.   There are plenty of other colors that are “in style”–have you considered gray?  Very stylish and subtle.  I remember a woman at my wedding wearing a white evening gown.  Although she wouldn’t have been mistaken for the bride, it still irked me slightly.  It seemed thoughtless, almost as though she gave no thought to the type of event she was attending–and I’m not even the type that would care that much!  As the old saying goes, better safe than sorry!   Good luck!

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A friend of mine from college recently got engaged.  I was invited to her wedding, but because I live out of state, I’m unable to attend.  I still want to send her a gift, however, we haven’t been close for a while.  What is the appropriate amount to spend if I’m not attending the wedding and haven’t maintained a close relationships with this girl?  On the same note, what is the appropriate amount to spend if I AM attending a wedding (with a date) of a close friend?  Help!

Gift Gal

Dear Gift Gal,

What a great question!  I think this is something that almost every person has to deal with at one time or another.  Especially in these tough times, digging deep in the pockets for a wedding gift can be rough.  Therefore, it helps to know what proper etiquette states is the correct amount to spend.

Happily, the truth is that you should spend what you can afford.  There is no sense in breaking the bank if you truly can’t afford it . A gift is just that–a gift–and the bride and groom will appreciate anything you can afford to give them.  If you do want some sort of gauge, though, the rule of thumb is to try to spend as much as you think your meal would cost.  If it’s a buffet, a safe guess is around $40-$50 a person.  If it’s a served meal, I’d guess closer to $75-$100 a person.  Again, it’s okay to adjust these numbers to fit YOUR budget!

If you’re not attending the wedding but want to send a gift anyway, any amount really works.  A small token of your congratulations is welcome at any amount.  I tend to spend around $50, however, if they’re close friends I’ll spend more, if they’re more distant, I might even spend less.  You’ll be appreciated for being a thoughtful person in spite of your inability to attend the wedding.

Happy gifting!

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We are getting married at the end of 2009.  Since more than half of our guests are coming from out of town – some as far away as Australia, we want to make sure we have some time to spend with them before and after the wedding.  The other half of our guests are primarily local family and friends.  After inviting all of the people you care about to the wedding, is it okay to only plan pre- and post-wedding events for a select group of people?  Is it okay to exclude some and invite others?

Baffled Bride

Dear Baffled Bride,

When it comes to weddings with a large amount of out of town guests, it is completely normal to have pre- and post-wedding activities to entertain them while they’re in town.  It’s also fine to to invite only certain people to these activities, as long as you have defined guidelines for who those people are.  For example, it is totally acceptable to invite only out of town guests to your events, and to leave the local people out.  This is done regularly for weddings and most guests will completely understand that your goal is to entertain the people who do not live there and have to stay in hotels, pay for travel, etc.

If, however, you decide to invite some local people and some not, you may end up hurting feelings or causing resentment between guests.  Since your wedding is meant to be a celebration of a joyful time, this is definitely not something you’ll want to do!  Just make sure that your events either include everyone, just out of towners, just bridal party, etc.  If you decide you want some local people, etiquette states there really is no choice but to invite them all.  You may also want to mix events; for example, have one event that includes everyone and then have a collection of smaller events only for your out of town guests.  This way, everyone will feel included in something!

Good luck!

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We’ve heard stories about engaged couples using online polls to ask family and friends to determine what food, drinks and music they would like at the reception, how the bride should wear her hair and even whether or not the groom should shave his head for the big day.

Are you polling your guests to help plan your wedding? Do you trust them to make decisions on your behalf? Can online polling save you time and hassle, or does it take some of the fun out of wedding planning?

Does polling your wedding guests make you want to rant or rave?

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I hate the idea of being forced to invite people to a wedding, but I also understand that leaving cranky auntie off the guest list might be more drama than it’s worth.

What do you think? Have you had any guest list drama? How did you handle it? Do obligatory wedding invitations make you want to rant or rave?

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I opted not to do this or have the bouquet toss out of consideration for my single friends. There are definitely pros and cons to sticking with this long-time tradition. If you decide to do it, however, make sure to sit at an angle where you won’t be flashing your guests. And another tip? Either take the garter off yourself or ease it down a bit so its not so high on your leg. And if you have sensitive and conservative guests, I’d say avoid having your groom taking the garter off with his teeth.

Sources: Wikipedia

Blue bow garter from Victoria’s Secret.

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This interactive site asks you to enter the city, state and date of your wedding, then generates a Google map of the area that you can use to mark where the ceremony and reception will be. But the fun doesn’t stop there–you can add icons for you and your local relatives’ homes, your favorite restaurants, entertainment venues, hotels, airports and local attractions.

You can also add personalized messages and images that will pop up when guests first access the site and when they place their cursor over any location you highlight. Plus, you can use the site to look up local vendors and connect with the wedding community in the city you select.

This online tool is easy to use, really fun to do and totally free! I think it’s a great way to help your guests become acquainted with your city and to get everyone excited about your upcoming nutpials!

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