Big family events like weddings tend to bring up some touchy issues. Whether your father refuses to speak to your Aunt Edna, your mother is still livid with your cousin Jane or you haven’t spoken to your sister since last Christmas, nothing will force family grudges to the forefront like making a guest list for your wedding.

According to this interesting article on Divine Caroline, holding on to grudges isn’t just bad for your big day. The stress of staying mad at someone has the same negative effects on your health as the stress you encounter at your job, leading to problems like high blood pressure, a suppressed immune system and hair loss.

If the thought of losing your hair or feeling ill throughout your wedding planning doesn’t make you want to clear the air, consider the fact that it only takes one angry relative to set off a fight that could threaten the serenity of your entire event.

Don’t start your happily ever after with a cloud hanging over the day. If you’re holding on to a grudge, try some of these tips from Divine Caroline to begin to let go. If the angry party is someone you are close to, forward them this article with your heartfelt hope that they can clear the air and help you celebrate in peace.

• Figure out what’s making you dwell on the issue in the first place. Talking it out with an impartial third party or writing it down can help you sort through and understand your emotions.
• In whatever form forgiveness comes, remember that it’s not the same as forgetting, which is something that might never happen. The memory can last, but if you’ve truly forgiven someone, its ties to residual anger should be severed.
• Becoming cognizant of a grudge’s ill effects on your life makes holding on to one seem all the more pointless.

As I channel surfed last Friday night (Yes, I was at home, channel surfing on a Friday night.  Something happens when you get married…or is it old?  Either way.  You suddenly find great joy in staying in.  But I digress… ) I stumbled across the movie “Monster-in-law” with Jennifer Lopez and Jane Fonda.  After Charlotte (JLo) gets engaged to Viola’s (Jane Fonda) son Kevin (Michael Vartan), insanity ensues.  Viola can’t imagine that  the lowly Charlotte, a simple dog-walker and temp, could ever be good enough for Kevin.  From invading their privacy to hiding peanuts in Charlotte’s food to trigger her allergy the night before the wedding, she’ll stop at nothing to ensure she remains number one in her darling son’s life.  But Charlotte isn’t spineless, and does her best to fight back.

Although this is an extreme (albeit hilarious!) example of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, it actually is not as far-fetched as it may seem.  This unique relationship has been chronicled for years, with self-help books and TV shows galore aimed at solving the age-long mystery of exactly why this female-to-female relationship can be so rocky.  I never believed the hype until I myself got married.  Somewhere between the new daughter-in-law taking first place in her husband’s life and the mother-in-law feeling like she’s losing a son, a lot of resentment and dare I say, even jealousy, develops.

The question is, how do you stop this from happening when you enter a new relationship?  How do you keep it from getting worse over the years?  I know there are plenty of people out there who are lucky enough to be as close to their in-laws as they are to their own parents.  I’d love to hear from anyone out there–what is your relationship with your mother-in-law like?  Is she a monster-in-law or a second mother to you?

With Thanksgiving in front of us and Christmas right around the corner, this time of year can become stressful for those dealing with fitting in to a new family.  I’ve heard way too many times that you aren’t just marrying your spouse at your wedding–your marrying their whole family!  Here are some links to help you deal with hosting or visiting the in-laws during the holidays:

-Associated Content offers this helpful article on hosting your parents or in-laws for Thanksgiving dinner.  Among them, make sure to include recipes from both sides of the family in your dinner so that they both feel equally honored.

-eHow.com has some steps for coping with meddling in-laws.  Remember, as hard as it may be, it’s always better to be the bigger person.  Respond accordingly!

-Distract your fellow family members with gifts!  Reader’s Digest has a list of gift ideas for the in-laws on their blog.

-Yahoo has a list of survival tips for the holidays.  At least one of these is sure to work.  If not, check out author Dina Koutas Poch’s book”I Heart My In-Laws…” for even more guidance.

-Finally, a personal tip: before you head out or have people over, make sure you and your significant other are on the same page.  You have to be able to support one another.  Isn’t that what marriage is all about?