Dear Divas,

I am having a destination wedding on a beach in the tropics, and I’m trying to find some bridesmaid dresses that will make all 6 of my girls happy.  We’ve been looking for months and I’m starting to get frustrated.  I want them all to be happy with the dresses, so I’ve let them send out options on their own.  We’ve been looking at “real” bridesmaid dresses, but I prefer to get dresses from a department store so that they can be worn again.  The problem is, no one ever agrees on anything!  Three girls will love the dress, 2 will be ok with it, and one will hate it.  I don’t want to force them to wear something that any of them will hate, so until now I’ve avoided making a final decision.  However, we’re getting down to the wire and we need to find something soon.  I could just pick a dress but I fear that they’ll be upset since I made it clear that they had free reign over dress selection.  How do I keep everyone happy and still get the dresses bought?

Dress Disaster

Dear Dress Disaster,

First of all, it’s very sweet of you to try so hard to find a dress that will perfectly fit each of your bridesmaid’s likes and dislikes.  However, as you’ve seen, it’s nearly impossible to find one dress that will match 6–actually, 7 (you have to like it too!)–individual tastes.  Women come in all different shapes and sizes and style preferences are even more varied.

At this point in the game, you just need a decision made.  It’s ok to bring some kind of order to the madness that is the dress selection.  Instead of letting your bridesmaids have free reign to throw dress suggestions out at their whim, why not select a list of 10 dresses that you love.  Email all of your ‘maids and ask them to vote on their top three.  At the end of the day, you’ll have a dress that not only you are sure to like, but that the majority of your maids will like too.  You can even ask them to list their three least favorite dresses–maybe it will help you to avoid selecting one that any of them will “hate”.

Another option is to go with a “real” bridesmaid dress (although I know you were trying to avoid that).  The upside is that you can have the dresses all made in the same fabric but in different styles.  That way, each girl will be wearing something that flatters her own body shape.
Finally, be sure to check out J. Crew’s bridesmaid line.  These chic dresses are perfect for weddings but can easily double as an any-occassion dress.  Good luck!

Dear Divas,

I am going to a beach wedding this summer and I’ve been searching for a light, airy dress to wear for weeks.  Since white is very in style right now, I see it everywhere–and I love it.  I can’t seem to find a dress I like that ISN’T white.  So, my question is:  Is it OK if I wear white to the wedding?  What if it’s a sun dress style–not remotely bridal? What about primarily white with accent colors? Help!

Wondering About White

Dear Wondering About White:

Ahhh, the age-old question:  Can you wear white to a wedding?  My first instinct is to say no.  The bride has spent months planning her wedding, choosing a dress, and ensuring that she will sparkle and shine on her wedding day.  To detract any attention from her seems mildly disrespectful, both to her feelings and the time she spent planning the wedding.  Particularly in the case of a beach wedding, many dresses tend to be more casual, so a sundress may not look that drastically different from the wedding dress.  However, I do feel there are exceptions to this rule.  A dress that is white with accent colors most likely will not resemble a wedding gown, and therefore is ok to wear.  Use your best judgement and take the person getting married, the style of wedding and your personal style in to account–is the bride the type that wants all eyes on her?  Could the dress you’re considering double for a wedding gown?  Do you have other options available to you that would still fit your style?  If  you answered yes to any of these questions, chances are good you should not be wearing white.

In general I would err on the side of caution–this is someone you care about getting married–although white might be in style, you don’t want to wear it and risk the feelings of a friend.   There are plenty of other colors that are “in style”–have you considered gray?  Very stylish and subtle.  I remember a woman at my wedding wearing a white evening gown.  Although she wouldn’t have been mistaken for the bride, it still irked me slightly.  It seemed thoughtless, almost as though she gave no thought to the type of event she was attending–and I’m not even the type that would care that much!  As the old saying goes, better safe than sorry!   Good luck!

Dear Divas,

I have a unique problem; I hate cake!  I know that having a wedding cake is an age-old tradition, but it seems silly to spend so much on something I won’t even enjoy eating!  On the flip side, my fiance loves cake, so he, of course, wants to have one.  Would it be strange to have two types of “cakes” (perhaps a traditional wedding cake and a tower of cream puffs), or perhaps no cake at all?  I love dessert and want it to be part of my wedding day, but I also don’t want to have so much dessert that it ends up being a waste.  Help!

Dessert Diva

Dear Dessert Diva,

I’m pretty sure you’re not the first bride on earth who doesn’t like cake.  Although having (and cutting) a wedding cake is a very traditional part of the wedding, it doesn’t mean you have to have it at your wedding.  Because your wedding is just that:  yours.  The real twist in this question is that unlike you, your fiance loves cake.

The best thing here, like most situations where there are disagreements, is to compromise.  There’s nothing wrong with having two “cakes” or desserts with which you can perform the cutting ceremony.  Just make sure to downsize when you order–two small cakes instead of one large one!  It’s nice to give people a choice, plus, you’ll get to perform the cake cutting twice!

You can also have a small, traditional wedding cake for your cake-cutting ceremony and then offer an additional dessert of your choosing that will either be served to guests or put out on the dessert table.  That way, you can have your cake and eat it too!  Good luck!