Dear Divas:

My fiancee and I are having two separate receptions due to the fact that she lives in one country and I in another.  Given geographies and differing religions we decided to have the main ceremony and reception in her country since she comes from a much larger family.  Here in the US we will have a small symbolic religious ceremony and a cocktail reception afterward as more of a “get to know the bride” type reception.

Since we will already be married when we have the US reception, I’m not sure what to have written on the invitation.  Any suggestions?

Thanks,

Wondering Wanderer

Dear Wondering Wanderer,

Lucky you!  Two weddings to plan in two different countries!  Thankfully, the wording is not very complicated in this situation.  Instead of listing your name and your fiancee’s maiden name, you’d simply list yourselves as Mr. and Mrs (insert married name here).  You’d also change the wording of what exactly you’re inviting your guests to attend.  Instead of saying “the wedding of” or “the marriage of”, you can say something like “to recognize their marriage of” or “to celebrate their marriage”.  For example:

Mr. and Mrs. Wondering Wanderer

Request the pleasure of your company

to celebrate their marriage.

Good luck and happy planning!

Dear Divas,

I am having a destination wedding on a beach in the tropics, and I’m trying to find some bridesmaid dresses that will make all 6 of my girls happy.  We’ve been looking for months and I’m starting to get frustrated.  I want them all to be happy with the dresses, so I’ve let them send out options on their own.  We’ve been looking at “real” bridesmaid dresses, but I prefer to get dresses from a department store so that they can be worn again.  The problem is, no one ever agrees on anything!  Three girls will love the dress, 2 will be ok with it, and one will hate it.  I don’t want to force them to wear something that any of them will hate, so until now I’ve avoided making a final decision.  However, we’re getting down to the wire and we need to find something soon.  I could just pick a dress but I fear that they’ll be upset since I made it clear that they had free reign over dress selection.  How do I keep everyone happy and still get the dresses bought?

Dress Disaster

Dear Dress Disaster,

First of all, it’s very sweet of you to try so hard to find a dress that will perfectly fit each of your bridesmaid’s likes and dislikes.  However, as you’ve seen, it’s nearly impossible to find one dress that will match 6–actually, 7 (you have to like it too!)–individual tastes.  Women come in all different shapes and sizes and style preferences are even more varied.

At this point in the game, you just need a decision made.  It’s ok to bring some kind of order to the madness that is the dress selection.  Instead of letting your bridesmaids have free reign to throw dress suggestions out at their whim, why not select a list of 10 dresses that you love.  Email all of your ‘maids and ask them to vote on their top three.  At the end of the day, you’ll have a dress that not only you are sure to like, but that the majority of your maids will like too.  You can even ask them to list their three least favorite dresses–maybe it will help you to avoid selecting one that any of them will “hate”.

Another option is to go with a “real” bridesmaid dress (although I know you were trying to avoid that).  The upside is that you can have the dresses all made in the same fabric but in different styles.  That way, each girl will be wearing something that flatters her own body shape.
Finally, be sure to check out J. Crew’s bridesmaid line.  These chic dresses are perfect for weddings but can easily double as an any-occassion dress.  Good luck!

Dear Divas,

I am going to a beach wedding this summer and I’ve been searching for a light, airy dress to wear for weeks.  Since white is very in style right now, I see it everywhere–and I love it.  I can’t seem to find a dress I like that ISN’T white.  So, my question is:  Is it OK if I wear white to the wedding?  What if it’s a sun dress style–not remotely bridal? What about primarily white with accent colors? Help!

Wondering About White

Dear Wondering About White:

Ahhh, the age-old question:  Can you wear white to a wedding?  My first instinct is to say no.  The bride has spent months planning her wedding, choosing a dress, and ensuring that she will sparkle and shine on her wedding day.  To detract any attention from her seems mildly disrespectful, both to her feelings and the time she spent planning the wedding.  Particularly in the case of a beach wedding, many dresses tend to be more casual, so a sundress may not look that drastically different from the wedding dress.  However, I do feel there are exceptions to this rule.  A dress that is white with accent colors most likely will not resemble a wedding gown, and therefore is ok to wear.  Use your best judgement and take the person getting married, the style of wedding and your personal style in to account–is the bride the type that wants all eyes on her?  Could the dress you’re considering double for a wedding gown?  Do you have other options available to you that would still fit your style?  If  you answered yes to any of these questions, chances are good you should not be wearing white.

In general I would err on the side of caution–this is someone you care about getting married–although white might be in style, you don’t want to wear it and risk the feelings of a friend.   There are plenty of other colors that are “in style”–have you considered gray?  Very stylish and subtle.  I remember a woman at my wedding wearing a white evening gown.  Although she wouldn’t have been mistaken for the bride, it still irked me slightly.  It seemed thoughtless, almost as though she gave no thought to the type of event she was attending–and I’m not even the type that would care that much!  As the old saying goes, better safe than sorry!   Good luck!