Comments on: Diva Dish: Church or No Church? http://blog.weddingpaperdivas.com/diva-dish-church-or-no-church/ Wedding News, Articles & Guides On Invitations, Planning, Cards & Etiquette Sat, 07 Nov 2009 00:10:43 -0800 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.5 hourly 1 By: andrea http://blog.weddingpaperdivas.com/diva-dish-church-or-no-church/comment-page-1/#comment-2033 andrea Thu, 15 Jan 2009 20:07:56 +0000 http://blog.weddingpaperdivas.com/?p=2325#comment-2033 Great article. Great article.

]]> By: Kathleen Ball http://blog.weddingpaperdivas.com/diva-dish-church-or-no-church/comment-page-1/#comment-2021 Kathleen Ball Wed, 14 Jan 2009 03:15:39 +0000 http://blog.weddingpaperdivas.com/?p=2325#comment-2021 As a marriage counselor and wedding officiant for 30 years, I have seen some version of this many times. I think it might be helpful to know one of the underlying purposes of the wedding ceremony which is to reconfigure the family. The bride and groom are shifting from being daughter and son first to wife and husband first and daughter and son second. That's a gigantic shift and the wedding planning and ceremony is where it begins to happen. What is not clear to me from your question is what your fiance wants (other than to please both of the women in his life which he can not do). So that is what I would focus on. What do each of you really want separate from your families. Once you have that clear, then you begin to find ways to compromise as much as is possible without losing your integrity as a couple. You want his family to know that you will be considerate of their wishes but that you as a couple need to make the final decision. Although you all ready know this, it's worth remembering that weddings are days of powerful emotions of all kinds. When there is this powerful a conflict, there will be echoes of it during the day no matter how it gets resolved--which can add to the richness. Marriage is, after all, about saying yes to all of it. As a marriage counselor and wedding officiant for 30 years, I have seen some version of this many times. I think it might be helpful to know one of the underlying purposes of the wedding ceremony which is to reconfigure the family. The bride and groom are shifting from being daughter and son first to wife and husband first and daughter and son second. That’s a gigantic shift and the wedding planning and ceremony is where it begins to happen.

What is not clear to me from your question is what your fiance wants (other than to please both of the women in his life which he can not do). So that is what I would focus on. What do each of you really want separate from your families. Once you have that clear, then you begin to find ways to compromise as much as is possible without losing your integrity as a couple. You want his family to know that you will be considerate of their wishes but that you as a couple need to make the final decision.

Although you all ready know this, it’s worth remembering that weddings are days of powerful emotions of all kinds. When there is this powerful a conflict, there will be echoes of it during the day no matter how it gets resolved–which can add to the richness. Marriage is, after all, about saying yes to all of it.

]]> By: adias.angel http://blog.weddingpaperdivas.com/diva-dish-church-or-no-church/comment-page-1/#comment-2016 adias.angel Tue, 13 Jan 2009 20:24:53 +0000 http://blog.weddingpaperdivas.com/?p=2325#comment-2016 I had the same problems with my mother when I told her we were having a Mayan ceremony and not a Christian one. Our compromise was to have the Mayan wedding our way and then we get back (destination wedding) we would have a blessing done by a pastor. Stand your ground and let them know you are more than willing to have a smaller service or blessing. I know I would miserable on my wedding day if I was forced back into a church that I was uncomfortable with. I had the same problems with my mother when I told her we were having a Mayan ceremony and not a Christian one. Our compromise was to have the Mayan wedding our way and then we get back (destination wedding) we would have a blessing done by a pastor.

Stand your ground and let them know you are more than willing to have a smaller service or blessing. I know I would miserable on my wedding day if I was forced back into a church that I was uncomfortable with.

]]> By: brittney http://blog.weddingpaperdivas.com/diva-dish-church-or-no-church/comment-page-1/#comment-2013 brittney Tue, 13 Jan 2009 20:07:08 +0000 http://blog.weddingpaperdivas.com/?p=2325#comment-2013 this also was a huge issue for my family and it led to a lot of painful conversations. while my situation was not exactly the same, i also learned that the act of planning a wedding is all about compromise. for something as personal as your ceremony and your religious beliefs, i think that compromise should be between the couple. if he really wants a church wedding, then i would also consider this option (even if your mother in law does win). this also was a huge issue for my family and it led to a lot of painful conversations. while my situation was not exactly the same, i also learned that the act of planning a wedding is all about compromise. for something as personal as your ceremony and your religious beliefs, i think that compromise should be between the couple. if he really wants a church wedding, then i would also consider this option (even if your mother in law does win).

]]> By: Justine http://blog.weddingpaperdivas.com/diva-dish-church-or-no-church/comment-page-1/#comment-2012 Justine Tue, 13 Jan 2009 20:05:05 +0000 http://blog.weddingpaperdivas.com/?p=2325#comment-2012 That is a very tough situation, but I really like the second suggestion that Tara gave. It seems like that would be a great compromise that everyone could feel good about. Good luck! That is a very tough situation, but I really like the second suggestion that Tara gave. It seems like that would be a great compromise that everyone could feel good about. Good luck!

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