Dear Divas,
I am having an intimate wedding (~40 guests). The guests will include family members and the bridal party. My two bridesmaids are interested in planning a bridal shower for me. I have thought of having close friends who are not invited to the wedding to the shower. I DO NOT want gifts from the shower guests. I would, however, like guests to have the option to contribute quotes, antidotes, words of wisdom, etc. during the shower. Is it proper etiquette to invite friends to the shower who are not invited to the ceremony, even when gifts are not solicited?
Warmly,
Giftless Girl
Dear Giftless Girl,
It is totally understandable to want to keep your wedding guest list down but still be able to celebrate with everyone that is close to you. However, regardless of whether you are asking for gifts or not, it is not proper etiquette to invite people to your wedding shower that aren’t invited to the wedding. Regardless of your intention, it will set the expectation that they will be invited to the wedding. When they don’t receive an invitation, it may result in hurt feelings or people feeling offended. Although you may request no gifts, it is doubtful that everyone will comply. Many people actually want to buy gifts to help you start your new life. So, although you may request it, there is no guarantee that they won’t bring gifts.
The best thing to do in this situation is to either broaden the guest list of your wedding to include everyone and cut back on other things to save money, or narrow your shower list down. Perhaps you can think of an alternate way to celebrate with all the people that you care about. A small house-warming party or second, casual reception after your actual wedding might be your best bet. You can have something during the day that is low-key and low-cost! You can also choose to have an intimate ceremony with your immediate families only, and then have a larger reception afterward with everyone that you want to celebrate with.
One of the drawbacks to having an intimate wedding is that you ultimately do have to leave people out. There is no in-between in these situations. In the end, you either have to choose to have the intimate wedding you’ve dreamed of or have everyone you care about present. Best of luck and congratulations on your wedding!
