My fiancee and I are having two separate receptions due to the fact that she lives in one country and I in another.  Given geographies and differing religions we decided to have the main ceremony and reception in her country since she comes from a much larger family.  Here in the US we will have a small symbolic religious ceremony and a cocktail reception afterward as more of a “get to know the bride” type reception.

Since we will already be married when we have the US reception, I’m not sure what to have written on the invitation.  Any suggestions?

Thanks,

Wondering Wanderer

Dear Wondering Wanderer,

Lucky you!  Two weddings to plan in two different countries!  Thankfully, the wording is not very complicated in this situation.  Instead of listing your name and your fiancee’s maiden name, you’d simply list yourselves as Mr. and Mrs (insert married name here).  You’d also change the wording of what exactly you’re inviting your guests to attend.  Instead of saying “the wedding of” or “the marriage of”, you can say something like “to recognize their marriage of” or “to celebrate their marriage”.  For example:

Mr. and Mrs. Wondering Wanderer

Request the pleasure of your company

to celebrate their marriage.

Good luck and happy planning!

a

There is one exception: when it comes to the officiant of your wedding, you should always count him/her and their significant other as an invited guest.  Send them an invitation like you would to any of your other guests. They’re the only vendor allowed to even go near the bar as well!  You definitely don’t want a drunk photographer taking your wedding photos.

Personally, I spoke to each of my vendors individually about their preferences.  I offered them the opportunity for one of the menu items and a seating arrangement.  In the end, all of my vendors preferred having a sandwich/condiments/hour d’oeuvres tray that they could quickly grab a bite from in a private section of the reception hall.  Whatever you choose, know that they’re all bound to be appreciative of your thoughtfulness (and maybe even do an extra-excellent job!).  Happy planning!

a

I am going to a beach wedding this summer and I’ve been searching for a light, airy dress to wear for weeks.  Since white is very in style right now, I see it everywhere–and I love it.  I can’t seem to find a dress I like that ISN’T white.  So, my question is:  Is it OK if I wear white to the wedding?  What if it’s a sun dress style–not remotely bridal? What about primarily white with accent colors? Help!

Wondering About White

Dear Wondering About White:

Ahhh, the age-old question:  Can you wear white to a wedding?  My first instinct is to say no.  The bride has spent months planning her wedding, choosing a dress, and ensuring that she will sparkle and shine on her wedding day.  To detract any attention from her seems mildly disrespectful, both to her feelings and the time she spent planning the wedding.  Particularly in the case of a beach wedding, many dresses tend to be more casual, so a sundress may not look that drastically different from the wedding dress.  However, I do feel there are exceptions to this rule.  A dress that is white with accent colors most likely will not resemble a wedding gown, and therefore is ok to wear.  Use your best judgement and take the person getting married, the style of wedding and your personal style in to account–is the bride the type that wants all eyes on her?  Could the dress you’re considering double for a wedding gown?  Do you have other options available to you that would still fit your style?  If  you answered yes to any of these questions, chances are good you should not be wearing white.

In general I would err on the side of caution–this is someone you care about getting married–although white might be in style, you don’t want to wear it and risk the feelings of a friend.   There are plenty of other colors that are “in style”–have you considered gray?  Very stylish and subtle.  I remember a woman at my wedding wearing a white evening gown.  Although she wouldn’t have been mistaken for the bride, it still irked me slightly.  It seemed thoughtless, almost as though she gave no thought to the type of event she was attending–and I’m not even the type that would care that much!  As the old saying goes, better safe than sorry!   Good luck!

a

It seems like double weddings are all the rage these days, and not the double weddings where two best friends tie the knot in tandem. These brides have two ceremonies, complete with two receptions.

Most of the time, the first wedding is a destination celebration on the beaches of Hawaii or in the streets of Paris, while the second ceremony takes place closer to home (unless you are Salma Hayek, who wed in both Paris and Venice—lucky girl!). By splitting time between two locations, the couple can better ensure that family and friends will be able to attend one of the two ceremonies.

Do you think this is a viable solution for non-celebrity couples? Would you host two weddings in two different locations? What would your dream destinations be? Rant or rave!

a

A friend of mine from college recently got engaged.  I was invited to her wedding, but because I live out of state, I’m unable to attend.  I still want to send her a gift, however, we haven’t been close for a while.  What is the appropriate amount to spend if I’m not attending the wedding and haven’t maintained a close relationships with this girl?  On the same note, what is the appropriate amount to spend if I AM attending a wedding (with a date) of a close friend?  Help!

Gift Gal

Dear Gift Gal,

What a great question!  I think this is something that almost every person has to deal with at one time or another.  Especially in these tough times, digging deep in the pockets for a wedding gift can be rough.  Therefore, it helps to know what proper etiquette states is the correct amount to spend.

Happily, the truth is that you should spend what you can afford.  There is no sense in breaking the bank if you truly can’t afford it . A gift is just that–a gift–and the bride and groom will appreciate anything you can afford to give them.  If you do want some sort of gauge, though, the rule of thumb is to try to spend as much as you think your meal would cost.  If it’s a buffet, a safe guess is around $40-$50 a person.  If it’s a served meal, I’d guess closer to $75-$100 a person.  Again, it’s okay to adjust these numbers to fit YOUR budget!

If you’re not attending the wedding but want to send a gift anyway, any amount really works.  A small token of your congratulations is welcome at any amount.  I tend to spend around $50, however, if they’re close friends I’ll spend more, if they’re more distant, I might even spend less.  You’ll be appreciated for being a thoughtful person in spite of your inability to attend the wedding.

Happy gifting!

a

As you see in the photo below, each package featured five thank you cards that were designed to match the event colors & marked with a personalized gift tag.  After, each set was placed at each table setting for the perfect finished look.  Check it out:

a

If you are looking for some fashion ideas for your flower girl and ring bearer, check out some of the cute outfits that we adore:

Images Courtesy of Brides.com

Dress designers & Styles from L to R: WaWa, Winnie Couture Style No. Millie , Moncheri Bridal, Davids Bridal Style No. H1227 , Winnie Couture Style No. Mady, David’s Bridal Style No. H1237, Sweet Beginnings Style No. L503

Ties from The Beau’s Lines

a

I’m getting ready to send out my (beautiful!) Wedding Paper Divas invitations to my guest list.  I’m addressing my own envelopes and I’ve run in to some questions along the way.  Of them, the two that I’ve been unable to find answers for are these: When inviting an unmarried couple that lives together, how do I address the envelope?  What about an unmarried couple that doesn’t live together but is in a serious relationship?  Do they each get their own invite or one sent to one of them but addressed to both?  So confusing, help!

Confused Calligrapher

Dear Confused Calligrapher,

What a great question!  This is so common and can be very confusing, so don’t feel badly about it.  To address (ha! no pun intended!) your first question, when inviting an unmarried couple that lives together, address the envelope just as you would a married couple with different last names: alphabetically, on separate lines on the outer envelope.  So, it would look like this:

Ms. Janine Myers
Mr. Richard Stevenson

Your inner envelope would be slightly different, with both names on one line, as you see here:

Ms. Myers and Mr. Stevenson

If you are not doing an inner envelope, you’d only follow the instructions for the outer envelope, with both names on their own line.

In regards to your second question, if you are sending an invitation to an unmarried couple that live in separate households, try to find out both of their names, even if you don’t personally know them both.  It’s nice to send an invitation to both addresses if you can, with each addressed to the singular person on the outer envelope, and then addressed to both (as in the above example) on the inner envelope.  However, if you don’t know both addresses, it’s also acceptable to send an invite to one of them with both of their names on it, each on their own line, as in the above example.  Alternatively, if you can’t find the name of someone’s significant other, it’s okay to simply address the invitation in this manner:

Mr. John Doe and Guest

You can use these tips to fit your wedding style and formailty level.  And remember, you can always contact the Wedding Paper Divas customer service team with any of your invitation etiquette questions!

a

We are getting married at the end of 2009.  Since more than half of our guests are coming from out of town – some as far away as Australia, we want to make sure we have some time to spend with them before and after the wedding.  The other half of our guests are primarily local family and friends.  After inviting all of the people you care about to the wedding, is it okay to only plan pre- and post-wedding events for a select group of people?  Is it okay to exclude some and invite others?

Baffled Bride

Dear Baffled Bride,

When it comes to weddings with a large amount of out of town guests, it is completely normal to have pre- and post-wedding activities to entertain them while they’re in town.  It’s also fine to to invite only certain people to these activities, as long as you have defined guidelines for who those people are.  For example, it is totally acceptable to invite only out of town guests to your events, and to leave the local people out.  This is done regularly for weddings and most guests will completely understand that your goal is to entertain the people who do not live there and have to stay in hotels, pay for travel, etc.

If, however, you decide to invite some local people and some not, you may end up hurting feelings or causing resentment between guests.  Since your wedding is meant to be a celebration of a joyful time, this is definitely not something you’ll want to do!  Just make sure that your events either include everyone, just out of towners, just bridal party, etc.  If you decide you want some local people, etiquette states there really is no choice but to invite them all.  You may also want to mix events; for example, have one event that includes everyone and then have a collection of smaller events only for your out of town guests.  This way, everyone will feel included in something!

Good luck!

a

My aunt is throwing me a bridal shower in a couple of weeks.  We’ve already sent out all the invitations and even received some responses.  Because a few of those were regrets, we now have room on the guest list to invite more people.  Is it ok if I send an invite now, even though the shower is only 2 weeks away and it might be obvious that they weren’t on our first draft guest list?  These people aren’t necessarily expecting an invitation, and might even be surprised to be invited, but I’d love to have them there.  Help!

Better Late than Never?

Dear Better Late than Never,

This can be a tricky situation, and might end up being more trouble than it’s worth.

To start, you’ll have to look at each late invitee on a case by case basis.  For example, if you were to invite someone who already knew other people that were invited to the shower in the original round, it might be very obvious that they were a late invite.  It could appear more offensive to be a B-list guest as opposed to not being invited at all.  On the other hand, if you’re inviting someone who has no ties to already-invited guests, the risk of them finding out they are a B-lister is very small.  They will probably just be pleased to receive an invitation!

You’ll also need to take the amount of time between invitation and party in to consideration.  If your shower is only 2 weeks away, your guests probably won’t receive the invitations for a few days.  That’s less than 2 weeks–pretty short notice for an invitation to any party.  That in itself could give away their B-list status.  It’s also fairly inconsiderate to guests who already have busy schedules and will have to find gifts, babysitters and more to make sure they’re ready for the party.

As you can see, sometimes adding to the guest list on short notice is more trouble than it’s worth.  If these people weren’t important enough to include from the start, chances are good you probably shouldn’t complicate things by adding them later.  Having a B-list is ok as long as there is ample time to invite them and chances are slim they’ll find out they’re second best!  When planning the wedding, having a B-list is very common because invitations are sent 6-8 weeks prior to the event, however your shower is on a short timeline.

Whatever you decide, good luck and happy planning!

a