Dear Divas:

My fiancee and I are having two separate receptions due to the fact that she lives in one country and I in another.  Given geographies and differing religions we decided to have the main ceremony and reception in her country since she comes from a much larger family.  Here in the US we will have a small symbolic religious ceremony and a cocktail reception afterward as more of a “get to know the bride” type reception.

Since we will already be married when we have the US reception, I’m not sure what to have written on the invitation.  Any suggestions?

Thanks,

Wondering Wanderer

Dear Wondering Wanderer,

Lucky you!  Two weddings to plan in two different countries!  Thankfully, the wording is not very complicated in this situation.  Instead of listing your name and your fiancee’s maiden name, you’d simply list yourselves as Mr. and Mrs (insert married name here).  You’d also change the wording of what exactly you’re inviting your guests to attend.  Instead of saying “the wedding of” or “the marriage of”, you can say something like “to recognize their marriage of” or “to celebrate their marriage”.  For example:

Mr. and Mrs. Wondering Wanderer

Request the pleasure of your company

to celebrate their marriage.

Good luck and happy planning!

One of the often-ignored topics in wedding planning is how to treat your vendors the day of the wedding, namely your DJ, Band, Wedding Planner, Photographer, Videographer or anyone that is present throughout the day of the event.  Although these people may not be on your guest list, it’s often common courtesy to at least assume they’ll want to eat a meal.  It’s something to think about as you make your guest list and submit your final head count for food.  You’ll also want to consider where the vendors will eat.  Will you have a table set aside for them that is part of the guest floor plan?  Will you have a table in a separate, private room?  Chances are good they’re only going to take a short break to eat, so choose accordingly.

There is one exception: when it comes to the officiant of your wedding, you should always count him/her and their significant other as an invited guest.  Send them an invitation like you would to any of your other guests. They’re the only vendor allowed to even go near the bar as well!  You definitely don’t want a drunk photographer taking your wedding photos.

Personally, I spoke to each of my vendors individually about their preferences.  I offered them the opportunity for one of the menu items and a seating arrangement.  In the end, all of my vendors preferred having a sandwich/condiments/hour d’oeuvres tray that they could quickly grab a bite from in a private section of the reception hall.  Whatever you choose, know that they’re all bound to be appreciative of your thoughtfulness (and maybe even do an extra-excellent job!).  Happy planning!

Dear Divas,

I am going to a beach wedding this summer and I’ve been searching for a light, airy dress to wear for weeks.  Since white is very in style right now, I see it everywhere–and I love it.  I can’t seem to find a dress I like that ISN’T white.  So, my question is:  Is it OK if I wear white to the wedding?  What if it’s a sun dress style–not remotely bridal? What about primarily white with accent colors? Help!

Wondering About White

Dear Wondering About White:

Ahhh, the age-old question:  Can you wear white to a wedding?  My first instinct is to say no.  The bride has spent months planning her wedding, choosing a dress, and ensuring that she will sparkle and shine on her wedding day.  To detract any attention from her seems mildly disrespectful, both to her feelings and the time she spent planning the wedding.  Particularly in the case of a beach wedding, many dresses tend to be more casual, so a sundress may not look that drastically different from the wedding dress.  However, I do feel there are exceptions to this rule.  A dress that is white with accent colors most likely will not resemble a wedding gown, and therefore is ok to wear.  Use your best judgement and take the person getting married, the style of wedding and your personal style in to account–is the bride the type that wants all eyes on her?  Could the dress you’re considering double for a wedding gown?  Do you have other options available to you that would still fit your style?  If  you answered yes to any of these questions, chances are good you should not be wearing white.

In general I would err on the side of caution–this is someone you care about getting married–although white might be in style, you don’t want to wear it and risk the feelings of a friend.   There are plenty of other colors that are “in style”–have you considered gray?  Very stylish and subtle.  I remember a woman at my wedding wearing a white evening gown.  Although she wouldn’t have been mistaken for the bride, it still irked me slightly.  It seemed thoughtless, almost as though she gave no thought to the type of event she was attending–and I’m not even the type that would care that much!  As the old saying goes, better safe than sorry!   Good luck!