Wedding Paper Divas is bursting with staff brides who are currently planning their weddings. We’re happy to share their stories with you as a part of this new feature!
Even before my fiancé and I were engaged, we dreaded talking about the subject of our wedding guest list with my parents—mainly my mom. I was never sure if my mom was joking, but she claims that she needs to invite everyone and their mother to the event. Literally.
Being American-born Chinese and not understanding why it was necessary to have a huge wedding, I have always asked her why and she responds with, “Because they invited me to their kid’s wedding.” But neither I nor my fiancé know the friend of a friend she needs to invite to our wedding, so we launched into a constant battle with neither side gaining ground. My mom even told me, “If you’re not having a big wedding, then just go to city hall and get the marriage license.” I actually considered it.
Then this dilemma got me thinking—as an American-born girl, I envision a wedding differently than my parents, who immigrated here. Maybe since weddings were often arranged in ancient China, the tradition evolved to be more about the joining of two families than about love, but I cannot imagine my wedding including more than 300 people, nor do I want to; my options of venues would be limited with that kind of guest list.
I brought up my concerns with my parents and though I wasn’t able to make a dent into their long guest list, they did, however, bring up the fact that we could always hold two banquets.
Two banquets might sound a little interesting, but they assure me that many American-born Chinese couples do the same thing (and I can see why). I would be able to have the smaller wedding I want with close family and friends, and my parents would be satisfied with the huge Chinese banquet they want. I quickly brought this up with my fiancé, but he wasn’t as accepting as I was.
He asked, “Won’t that make our first wedding, the one we want to have, not as special?” I didn’t really think about that. All I want was to somehow satisfy both my parents and my fiancé and me. And I’m sure many couples, especially ones who have destination weddings, hold two receptions for guests who couldn’t make it. This is kind of the same idea.
All in all, this experience has taught me that it’s good to start talking to parents early about your wedding plans, especially those that secretly want to be involved. Work out a compromise with them. You don’t need any more stress and headaches added to your wedding planning.
We still haven’t finalized any plans yet, but it’s nice to know that there are other options out there beyond running away to elope!
Becky and Erick met eight years ago through their parents. Both of their parents were into performing Chinese Opera along with Erick, and all 3 of them were in the same opera association. During the summer of 2001, Becky volunteered to help out backstage during a performance where she first saw Erick, but he didn’t notice her at first (he claims she was never there!). The two eventually started to hang out more during the summer of 2002. They started out as friends, and then started dating when Becky joined Erick in Southern California for school. Seven years later, they’re engaged!